Not gonna lie; I really miss when @djsundog, @cwebber , @loke, @akkartik, @freakazoid, @patrick, @requiem, and so many others who initially welcomed me to the Fediverse would post updates on their projects. It was motivational to me. And when a project update does manage to cross my feed, it still is.

Today, however, my feed is so heavily plastered over with political or economic content (almost universally negative), that I don't even see these updates anymore, if they're even being made at all.

I came here, to the Fediverse, to escape from reality a bit. It's now quickly reached the point where I now must seek out reality to escape from world consciousness.

Under no circumstances am I blaming anyone for this state of affairs, though. The world is totally a dumpster fire right now, and all manner of people who are directly affected by it have an absolute right to vent about it. I support this.

Still, I can't help but wax nostalgic of the days when my feed were more about thing hacking and less about hacking though life for basic survival.

@vertigo ❤️

I did have 2021 happen to me, and I did change directions pretty heavily. However, I'm still at it! I've been a bit quiet only because I've been working on a talk: That always puts me in a pretty serious procrastinative mode.

So look out world! I'm comin' back out starting sometime next week 🙂

@djsundog @cwebber @loke @freakazoid @patrick @requiem


@vertigo I think it's time to admit what this is: stuck, a creative rut, a loss of a compass of meaning, writer's block. I'm not sure why I program anymore.

@djsundog @cwebber @loke @freakazoid @patrick @requiem

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@akkartik @vertigo @djsundog @cwebber @freakazoid @patrick @requiem I am programming, although I'm not overly sure why I do it. I even wrote a blog post about it:

That said, it's technically interesting and you're welcome to read other posts on the blog for technical details.

@loke That was a good read, thank-you!

I’ve seen variations of this problem in other software areas (other fields too) but I imagine it’s most acute wrt programming languages.

Otoh I’ve recently read counter-arguments that make a strong case for more people (perhaps all programmers) to write their own language, CPU, etc.

So maybe you are on the right track 😁

@akkartik @vertigo @djsundog @cwebber @freakazoid @patrick

@requiem @loke @akkartik @djsundog @cwebber @freakazoid @patrick Programmers block unfortunately does happen. I literally have the exact opposite problem: I do not know why I feel compelled to complete a Kestrel/ForthBox computer design.

I really don't.

I already know nobody else besides me is going to use it, and even then, for how long before I get bored with it? What impact will it have on the world, a world already crowded with retrocomputing projects vastly more successful than anything I can muster? Is there room for a neo-retro design like mine? A design with no prior existing software base, and no prior existing peripheral equipment?

I'm not so sure. So why do I bother?

I used to use the excuse that it helped to keep me grounded when I spent the bulk of my days hacking on enterprise level projects. But, does it really? I'm not so sure anymore. If anything, I'm finding it robs from me valuable time I could be thinking about my paid job project. I can't tell you how many times I spent a week to two weeks of time hacking on my own kit when I should have been working.

The only working hypothesis that I can come up with that it is my artistic output. For me, this isn't a project from which I'll ever make money. But, it's one that I can express my creative output in. Most people think of art as something that is written, or that is drawn, or that is heard. But, why can't it also be something that can compute too?

I don't know anymore. I'm now old enough to safely say that I spent the majority of my life working on this project. Still, with nothing to show for it. You've seen me explode here before over this. It's not easy.

I very frequently wish I were more balanced like other engineers in my field. Alas, nature has wired my brain differently.

It's something to do, I guess.

@vertigo @requiem @loke @akkartik @djsundog @cwebber @patrick I am in precisely the same boat, though my lifetime project is a lot more amorphous.

I'd say it's definitely artistic output for me. It's what keeps me sane. I wish I could figure out how to reduce my need to "justify" spending time on such pursuits. Sometimes the need leaves me and I'm able to make some progress.

@vertigo @requiem @loke @akkartik @djsundog @cwebber @patrick The main clue I have for my own issue is that it might be Pathological Demand Avoidance, which may explain why talking publicly about a project or offering to do something for someone seems to be the surest way to make me lose motivation to work on it.

@vertigo I wish I could go back to a year ago, when I was happily working away, unaware there was no external impact. Just a steady stream of a state of flow would be nice.

Permutation City describes an immortal character who reprograms his own brain to get into a new hobby every hundred years. That is the extreme worldview where the journey is all and the destination is meaningless. There's something to it.

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