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My for 2021


Walk up every hill in Missoula
Visit every park in Missoula
Save up for a sailboat


Complete a Merveilles interview series
Release a meditation zine
Complete my and archive it
Release a short story

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I am closing down my access to new things today and going through the

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Hell is believing
Change is possible
Things get better
Happiness is for you
These thoughts make sense

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I am 100% plant powered writer, computer artist, and developer of things.

Currently striving towards a solar powered nomadic life

According to science the chance I will ever be thin is lower than the survival rate of most cancers (.5%)

The weather the past few days has been so picturesque! These are looking left and right on the same spot on my run yesterday and then the weather approaching today. #clouds #weather #photography

mh, ph 

Being told by your doctor "you're probably going to have to give up on the idea that you'll ever be thin, or even fat" is demoralizing

If you had a less than 1% chance of living the only life you wanted would you keep going?

It made me sad to learn expressing need makes one less attractive to other humans

You become something simply by doing all the things that thing does

What is terrifying about the phrase "you are valid" is that it implies there is no difference between a life spent in misery and a life spent in pleasure

The one who reaches the heights of a civilization is no better than the one who dies unknown in the dirt

It is all the same universe perceiving itself

And this is terrifying

I accept that my pain is an entity inside me that directs my choices

going to try fasting again. drastic, but I need to break myself of my routine and trying to do it gradually hasn't wokred

But, at the same time, the spiral seems instigated by the discomfort with each present moment. A desire to escape

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I suppose wanting to get out of the spiral is goal enough

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the one thing I'm trying to do is find a motivation to do the work of clawing myself out of a spiral

Difficult moments lower the threshold for bliss, but without the moments of bliss (or the bliss inside the skull caused by imaging what could be) how does one keep doing a non-habituated behavior?

it's easy to fall into self-destruction than it is to escape

I feel vague negativity but mostly a kind of numb no-thoughtness

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Merveilles is a community project aimed at the establishment of new ways of speaking, seeing and organizing information — A culture that seeks augmentation through the arts of engineering and design. A warm welcome to any like-minded people who feel these ideals resonate with them.