I don’t have answers. I don’t have questions right now, either. Just leaning in on the loneliness, sitting with the sadness. I’ll let my heart beat a little bit faster, and a little bit slower; but I won’t miss a beat.

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Has anyone… ever indulged in sadness? I was watching one of my favourite films, Tony Takitani (2004) dir. by Murakami Jun, and afterwards listened to the soundtrack composed entirely by Sakamoto Ryuichi. Again the theme of loneliness, and the realisation of what is lost, what is missing, because of it. I don’t really know where this is going, but I’ve been having heart palpitations more frequently nowadays, thanks to the ongoing showcase of depravity by rich, white, cis het men in power.

But also, a sort of solitary interdependence with set boundaries and allowing for space and movement, noticing that distance != abandonment or rejection or being forgotten or not being seen.

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I had always wanted to be independent and be in control of my environment and surroundings, and being alone has greatly helped in accomplishing that. I think there is a reason why I am alone, and earlier I was telling a friend that perhaps my lifelong struggle will be learning to fully love and accept myself, turning that into wholeness; that I am a whole on my own.

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I started off with the first statement feeling sorry for myself because I have no one around me, but as I spoke further, I leaned into it a little bit more, I realise there is something special in being able to be alone. While there is a certain sadness, it doesn’t mean I am completely alone, or that I do not rely on others; moreso, I wish to learn how to grow in that aloneness.

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I feel very alone.

And I’m somewhat okay with it, but requires more discovery about what it means to be alone or be in solitude, and not loneliness, and feeling my way through it.

What is magnified, or minified?

I would like to keep asking these questions.

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I am curious about looking at life from this gaze; what do we take for granted, what details do we miss when we overlook simple things? What is a world that is not in focus?

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I’ve started playing with the idea of instead of photographing tiny microcosms, to take that lens and hold it up at the macro level that we are so familiar with, but blurry and completely out of focus. Here is a self-portrait with those lens.

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I joined a four-part workshop called MICROCOSMOS that uses a “fire pearl” (or hwaju 火珠), essentially a lens used for microscopy, and at the end we’ll be making each our own short videos using our paper-crafted microscopes or even just holding up the hwaju to a camera lens that speak about important memories or experiences.

Trying to find happiness in life divorced from work, while expected to constantly show up to pay bills, taxes, &etc. This whole time I thought suffering was an important part of the equation, but you know what?

I want to show up for myself. And I want to continually choose joy.

was testing out a different dithering library and accidentally created this glitch

"[…] it is vital to remember that the great majority of things are invented, innovated, made, and used without in any way affecting how society sees itself. In fact, the problem is that when we think in ‘technology,’ we think of those things which have been so represented, giving us a very distorted and misleading impression."

Brilliant interview with David Edgerton about the concept of 'technology' in design. revistadisena.uc.cl/index.php/

h/t @rra

A handful of thoughts that crossed my mind: About the conflict between creating a better world for all and getting our own needs met

potato.solutions/2021/04/a-few

i've tagged out 600+ open source, experimental and tiny tools by their qualities and built a new website for sorting through them!

these are all tools towards joyful digital creation, with the goal of enabling working entirely outside of proprietary systems- moving instead from one hand-made software to another.

(the list takes submissions if it is missing yours >:))

tinytools.directory

Been listening to more Taiwanese shoegaze, this band, Manic Sheep, are pretty darn good!
manicsheep.bandcamp.com/album/

IKEA ScrapsBook: "...a cookbook dedicated to cooking with the little things we usually throw away. Featuring 50 recipes created in collaboration with chefs across North America and waste-saving tips, all designed to help you live a little more sustainably in your kitchen."

And it's available as a free ebook!

ikea.com/ca/en/campaigns/scrap

Also for your consideration, view of cherry blossom trees in Tokyo livestream youtube.com/watch?v=yIoPisyFE6

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Merveilles

Merveilles is a community project aimed at the establishment of new ways of speaking, seeing and organizing information — A culture that seeks augmentation through the arts of engineering and design. A warm welcome to any like-minded people who feel these ideals resonate with them.