Hypothesis: personal sovereignty vs. selfishness

- Personal sovereignty is asking for help from others appealing to the love they have for you to help you meet your needs.

- Selfishness is asking others to change their behavior because you don't want to change yourself.

What is the core difference between these two:

- "When you do W, I feel X. I have a need to feel Y. In the future, can you help me by doing Z?"


- "Stop doing W, I don't like it."

The first feels like bringing both sides to work together in helping the person meet their needs, and is open for actual discussion. While the latter feels like an expectation that must be met, and discussion is either not happening or immediately confrontational.


Being on the other side of conversations like these initially feel the same to me. I feel sad because I want people I care about to be happy and my actions may not be helping that. But after that initial discomfort, the difference seems to be a request versus a threat.

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