Thomasorus @thomasorus@merveilles.town

Old paintings.
A series about mind corruption. Black ink on paper, raisin and double raisin size, around 2009.

I wanted to thank you people for the positive mood, attitude and overall care you all provide in this place.

Most importantly, being here changed my perspective on code from means of production to creative tools. It's a big shift for me as I basically became a developer to exit unemployment and financial scarcity. Never I intended to do code to discover myself.

So thanks.

Next step will be to fix this constant stress/anxiety for good. I can't stop working and I can't let go some stress related parts of my life, but maybe I can make all this more tolerable and stop pretending it's nothing, and that I can handle it without help. Trying to find the positive in all this mess. 😅

My sick leave will be over in a few days. I have very light meds to cope with stress (not like the big meds for real anxious people). By taking them, I discovered that I had a pressure in my chest, because it disappeared. I was able to focus more easily, I felt calm and collected. With hindsight it doesn't surprise me a lot, I know I put a lot of pressure on myself and that I was not that well. But FEELING the stress and anxiety decrease made me realize how much I internalized it as normal.

#theStudio I can't play Endless Space 2 because I'm incredibly bad at this type of games but at least I have the amazing soundtrack by Flybyno:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UliYVYzIzDQ

My gf just discovered I was coding something tonight (trying to reproduce @neauoire wiki engine for the sake of learning) and now I'm in trouble send help

Starting to cool off. Still wakes up in the middle of the night thinking about work which is annoying. Glad I still have a week to recover.

#theStudio http://musicforprogramming.net

Out of work for one week and a half. Rest and sleep.

#theVent I had a panic attack in the middle of last night. A nervous breakdown at work this morning. Shouted at a coworker. Why the hell do I involve myself so much in work to the point of becoming sick and angry. This doesn’t make sense. It’s not worth it. I know it already but I can’t help it. I’m going to the doctor and asking for a break.

#theStudio https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBE3c9X0BoA

@neauoire Indental is dope. 👌

#theVent Back to work after a wonderful weekend to find only problems, both technical and human. Good people want to leave as nobody listens to their expertise and their interlocutors question everything just to prove they make decisions in their bullshit jobs. Their work (and mine) keep being stricken by incompetent higher ups that know better. Older colleagues having a hard time changing their habits, causing stress and delays. Some find every opportunity to screw around. I'm tired.

Tried typing with ortholinear keyboards yesterday as I was interested in making one. In the short time I tried I didn’t like the feeling that much, it felt there was too much travel to reach some keys, which is strange since it’s supposed to be more compact. Maybe my hands position moved without me noticing.

I won this amazing metal keycap during a rafle today! Also other caps were given to participants like this uniquely French « putain » keycap. 😅 (also this sticker 🤣)

So you wanna test some switches? 🤔

I’m in love with this one.